Canadian Computer Slang
-----------------------

In order to keep you up to date with the technological revolution taking place 
in Canada we offer this glossary from rural Ontario:


LOG ON:                  Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF:                 Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR:                 Keeping an eye on the woodstove. 
DOWNLOAD:                Gettin the farwood off the truck.
MEGAHERTZ:               When yer not keerful gettin the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC:             Whatcha git from ya tryin to carry too much farwood.
RAM:                     That thar thing what splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE:              Gettin home in the winter time. 
PROMPT:                  What the mail ain't in the winter time. 
WINDOWS:                 Whut to shut when it's cold outside 
SCREEN:                  Whut to shut when it's black fly season. 
BYTE:                    What them dang flys do.
CHIP:                    Munchies fer the TV.
MICROCHIP:               What's in the bottom of the munchie bag. 
MODEM:                   Watch ya did to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX:              Old Dan Matrix's wife.
LAPTOP:                  Where the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD:                Whar ya hang the dang truck keys. 
SOFTWARE:                Them dang plastic knives and forks. 
MOUSE:                   What eats the grain in the barn.
MAIN FRAME:              Holds up the barn ruff.
PORT:                    Fancy Flatlander wine.
ENTER:                   Northern folk talk fer, C'mon in y'all.
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY:    When ya can't remember whut ya paid fer the rifle when 
yer wife asks.
MOUSE PAD:               That's hippie talk fer the rat hole.

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