Courses for Men and Women ------------------------- TO: Men FROM: Women RE: Becoming a Real Man Dear Men, A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That's right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man. Please take a moment to look over the program outline. FIRST YEAR Fall: MEN 101 Combating Stupidity MEN 102 You Too Can Do Housework MEN 103 PMS- Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear for Christmas Winter: MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4AM MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception MEN 113 Get a Life, Learn to Cook Spring: MEN 120 How NOT To Act Like an Asshole When You're Wrong MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers SECOND YEAR Fall: SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower MEN 201 How to Stay Awake After Sex MEN 202 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down Winter: MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency MEN 211 How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver MEN 213 Honest- You Don't Look Like Russel Wong- Especially Naked Spring: MEN 220 Omitting @#%=AC=AC&*! From Your Vocabulary MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting is Not Necessary MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is Not Considered Foreplay ******************* TO: Women FROM: Men Subj.: Overcoming Intolerableness Dear Women: A new two year degree has been developed to accompany the one outlined above. In the same amount of time it takes to become a real man, you too can learn how to be bearable, in spite of your natural instincts. Look at the degree requirements below. FIRST YEAR Fall Women 101 - Overcoming the Fallacious Assumption that You're Never Wrong Women 102 - How NOT to Act Like An Asshole When You're Right:Avoiding the -I Told You So- Whine Women 103 - Housework, You Knew It Was Part of the Deal When You Walked In Women 104 - PMS - No, We DON'T Just Have to Put Up With It:Learning NOT to Indulge Your Bad Moods Women 105 - How to Wait for Another Person to Finish Speaking Before You Start Talking Winter Women 110 - If It's Your Plan To -Change Him-, Don't Marry Him. A Conceptual Approach to Marrying For Valid Reasons Women 111 - Christmas & Birthdays: Avoiding the Power Tool Default Mode Women 112 - Stereotypical Assumptions Concerning Male Behaviors and Motivations: The Fallacy of Women's Magazine Articles and the "Experts" Who Write Them Women 113 - The Interpersonal Interaction Laboratory: Don-t Ask For the Truth, When What You Really Want Is Agreement Women 114 - How To Act Younger Than Your Mother Spring Women 120 - Get A Life: Your Girlfriends Don't Have the Answer Women 121 - Thinking For Yourself: You Don't Really Need An Opinion From Ten Other Know-It-All Women Before Making A Decision Women 122 - The -Best Friend- Problem: She Doesn't Need to Know Every Detail of Our Relationship, And She DOES NOT Have Input to the Marriage - A Mixed-Gender Seminar Focusing on Privacy Issues and the Betrayal of Trust Women 123 - Soap Operas: Not A Mirror of Reality Women 124 - Learning to Understand and Accept That We Aren't Required to Adhere to Decisions Your Mother Makes. SECOND YEAR Fall Sex 101 - You CAN Learn To Stop Using It As A Weapon Sex 102 - The Role of Sex in Marriage. If We Don't Get It Here, It's a) Grounds For Divorce, b) O.K. To Get It Elsewhere Sex 103 - How To Participate in the Sexual Act - If It Was Enjoyable Before We Were Married, Why Is It Dirty & -Immature-Now? A Series of Discussions On the Nature of Honesty in Relationships Sex 104 - Foreplay: The Two-Way Street with No Stop Signs Winter Women 210 - Admonishment and Rebuke: The Death of Love Women 211 - High Horses: How to Avoid Getting Up On One Women 212 - Timliness: Stifling Your Contempt For It Women 213 - Parenting: Nine Months of a Natural, Biologic Process Does Not Qualify You As An Infallible Expert Women 214 - Feminist Rhetoric: Yes, You're An Equal, Now Give It A Rest Spring Women 220 - Eliminating -Can't You Ever Do Anything Right?- From Your Vocabulary Women 221 - Getting Over the Pain of Knowing That Sometimes, We're Just Not Thinking About You Women 222 - Saying What You REALLY Mean:The End of Game-Playing Women 223 - Emotional Blackmail: A Twelve Step Program For Kicking the Habit Women 224 - Understanding the Male Response to Emotional Imprisonment -- Vectored by Moose Mansions (http://www.splange.freeserve.co.uk/)