WINDOWS 98 - GEORDIE EDITION
----------------------------

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Geordie version
of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Newcastle.

If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may need some help
understanding the commands. The Newcastle edition may be recognised
by looking at the loading screen. It reads Windiz 98 with a background
picture of a Brown Ale bottle superimposed on a photograph of the Tyne
Bridge.It is shipped with the Brown Ale screen saver.

Also note:

 The Recycle Bin is labelled 'Aal ya shite'
 Dialup Networking is called 'Me mates'
 Control Panel is known as 'How te fuck aboot wi the settins'
 The Hard Drive is referred to as 'Big disk'
 Floppies are known as 'Them litil plastic bastads'

Other:

 OK = it's alreet
 cancel = fuck that
 yes = aye
 no= nee fuckin' chance
 find = gan gerit ya fucking sel'
 go to = owa there
 help = ah cannit dee it
 stop = divvent move
 start = hadaway and shite
 settings = settins
 programs = stuff that dis stuff
 personal folder = me shite

Also note that Windiz 98 does not recognise capital letters or
punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Windiz98:

tiperiter = a word processor
cullarin book = a graphics package
addin masheen = calculator
tunes = CD player
porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer
pikchas = a graphics viewer
dole money = accounting software
toon = a spreadsheet of Newcastle United FC's recent scores
bevvy = local off-licences by area code and price of Brown Ale
tax records = usually an empty file
Kappa tracksuit inventory = usually a 5 meg file

We regret any inconvenience it may cause if you received a copy of the
Newcastle edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement
version.

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