Grim Jokes
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LEPER JOKE

This guy goes to a baseball game, orders a hot dog, and sits down eating
it. Pretty soon, another guy comes over and says: "Do you mind if I sit
here?" The first guy says, "No, sit down."
"Thanks a lot," says the second guy, "because I'm a leper, and a lot of
people have a strong aversion to us lepers."
"No problem."
A couple of innings go by and the leper looks over at the guy who had
eaten the hot dog.  He has become violently ill, heaving his guts all
over the place. "I knew I'd make you sick," says the leper, "I'm going to
leave."
"No, it's not you," says the guy, "just sit down." The leper sits back down.
A couple more innings pass and the leper looks over to see the guy still
chucking his guts up. "I know I'm making you sick," says the leper, "I'm
gonna go."
"No-it's not you.  Just sit back down," the guy says. The leper sits back
down.
The ninth inning comes.  By this time the guy has dry heaves.  The leper
stands up, looks at the guy, and says: "Look, I know I've been making you
sick.  I tell you what I'm going to do.  I'm gonna bow my head and walk out
of here so you can enjoy the last remaining minutes of this game."
"No, no, it's not you.  Sit down," the guy says. So the leper sits
back down.
Finally, the leper says: "Look, if it's not me, I've got to know-
what's been making you sick?"
"It's the guy behind you," says the other guy, "he keeps dipping his
nachos in your back"

GERMAN JOKE

A German visiting London asks a hooker for a shag and she tells him it's
twenty quid.
"Fine" he says, "but I'm a bit kinky".
She agrees that this is OK as long as he doesn't do anything violent.
They get back to her flat and he gets out four big springs attached
to some straps.
"I want you to put one of these on each elbow and one on each knee"  he
asks.  The hooker is worried that she's getting into something a bit
heavy,but she goes along with his request.
Then she is told to get down on all fours, naked, in front of him which
she does grudgingly.
Then he asks her to start bouncing up and down on the springs and
finally he takes a duck call whistle from his pocket.
"Blow on this while I'm shagging you" he tells her.
So he's banging away while she's bouncing on the springs blowing the
duck whistle.
Suddenly she starts to enjoy the shagging, so much so in fact that
she experiences the most fantastic orgasm she's ever had.
After they've finished she says...
"Wow, that was the most fantastic sex I've had in 25 years on the game,
how the hell did you make it so good?"
"Ah," he replies, smiling, "Foursprung Duck Technique".

SNEEZING JOKE

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class.  The man
sneezes, pulls out his knob and wipes the tip off.  The woman can't believe
what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.
A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again.  He pulls out his knob and wipes
the tip off.  The woman is about to go nuts.  She can't believe that such a
rude person exists.  A few minutes pass.  The man sneezes yet again.  He
takes his knob out and wipes the tip off.  The woman has finally had
enough.  She turns to the man and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and
three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off!
What the hell kind of degenerate are you?"
The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very
rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The woman then says, "Oh, how strange.  What are you taking for it?"
The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."

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