Managerium ---------- News is coming in of a new British Discovery - Managerium Research on elementary particles has revealed that the heaviest element known to science, ADMINISTRATIUM - another British discovery - exists in TWO forms!!!! The newly discovered element, MANAGERIUM, is unique in that it has no protons or electrons, which means that it has an atomic number of 0!! However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 deputy neutrons, 75 assistant deputy neutrons, 11 assistants to the assistant deputy neutrons, 1 secretrino and 273 resource managerions. This gives it an atomic mass number of 513. The 513 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called "memos". Since it has no electrons, MANAGERIUM is inert. It can be detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in which it is present. According to one investigator a single atom of MANAGERIUM made a reaction that normally takes less than a second take over four months. The results support the Grand Unified Theory of the Universe which states that time is as long as a piece of string. Like ADMINISTRATIUM, MANAGERIUM has a half-life of approximately 3 years. It doesn't actually decay. Instead, after the phenomenum of a molecular aggregation ( "meetings" ), it seems to vanish into the limbo of the space-time continuum where it undergoes a reorginisation. Deputy neutrons assistant deputy neutrons, assistants to the assistant deputy neutrons, the secretrino and resource managerions exchange places. Some studies have indicated that the atomic mass number usually INCREASES after each reorganisation!! Where the new element differs from ADMINISTRATIUM is in the nature of its elementary particles: MANAGERIUM has twice the number of BERKS. Studies based on the work of Professor Stephen Hawking of the University of Cambridge have shown that there are at least six different "flavours" of berk - UP, DOWN, STRANGE, CHARMED, TOP and FUNDAMENT. MANAGERIUM is extraordinary in that it has berks with charmed fundaments!!! These exert a strong attractive force on the particle of spin 1/2 - which is known as the massive vector bosom - unique to the secretrino. When an accurately aligned bosom hits a charmed fundament the collision can produce energy that is equivalent to 100 GeV - the "BIG BANG". Was the delay in the scientific discovery of MANAGERIUM due to the berk/spin affinity?? It might be thought that finding the answer to this would be the ultimate triumph of human reason - for then we would know the nature of God. However, even at the highest resolution and with the use of a telescopic lens MANAGERIUM rotates at such a frequency such that it is merely a blur and can never be contacted by telephone. When the critical mess of MANAGERIUM is reached it may transmute into the unstable isotope DIRECTORIUM. As a result, the berk (of spin 1/2) may go round and round in ever decreasing circles and disappear up its fundament ( black hole ). Current research indicate that DIRECTORIUM has a half-life which corresponds to that of one gin and tonic. -- Vectored by Moose Mansions (http://www.splange.freeserve.co.uk/)