Another humorous load of manure
-------------------------------
 THREE PROOFS JESUS WAS JEWISH
           1. He went into his father's business.
           2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
           3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother 
               was sure he was
 
 THREE PROOFS JESUS WAS IRISH
           1. He never got married.
           2. He never held a steady job.
           3. His last request was for a drink.
 
 THREE PROOFS JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN
           1. His first name was Jesus.
           2. He was always in trouble
           3. His mother did not know who his real father was.
 
 THREE PROOFS JESUS WAS ITALIAN        
           1. He talked with his hands.
           2. He took wine with every meal.
           3. He worked in the building trade.
 
 THREE PROOFS JESUS WAS BLACK
           1. He called everybody brother.
           2. He had no permanent address.
           3. Nobody would hire him.
 
 THREE PROOF JESUS WAS FROM CALIFORNIA
           1. He never cut his hair.
           2. He walked around barefoot
           3. He invented a new religion

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This guy was stranded on a desert island with Cindy Crawford.  He was
cool, and he didn't make any moves towards her for several weeks.

Finally one day he asked her if maybe they could start up a physical
relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs.  Cindy said she
was game, and a very nice sexual relationship began.

Everything was great for about 4 months.  One day the guy goes to
Cindy and says, "I'm having this problem... It's kind of a guy thing,
but I need to ask you a favor."  Cindy replied "Okay," and he says,
"Can I borrow your eyebrowpencil?"  Cindy looks at him a little funny,
but answers, "Sure, you can borrow my eyebrow pencil."

The guy then says, "Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a
mustache
on you?"

Cindy is getting a little worried, but says "Okay."  And so the guy
draws a moustache on her.

Then the guy said, "Can you wear some of my guy clothing, I need for
you to look more like a man?"  Cindy is getting a little disappointed
at this point, but says "I guess so," and puts on some of his clothes.

Then the guy says to Cindy, "Do you mind if I call you Fred?"

Cindy is now getting very dejected, and says "No, I guess not, you can
call me Fred."

So then the guy reaches out and grabs Cindy by the arms and shouts:

"Fred You won't believe who I have been sleeping with these past 4
months!!!"

---

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says
the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man
wants.

  

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's
really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night.
We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And
I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me,
she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The
young man makes his purchase and leaves.

  

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her
parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He
begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl
leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious
person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that
your father is a pharmacist."

---

 Listed Below are the Seven Most Important Men in a Women's Life

     >>1) THE DOCTOR
     >> - Because he says take your clothes off >>
     >>2) THE DENTIST
     >> - Because he says open wide.>>
     >>3) THE HAIRDRESSER
     >> - Because he says do you want it teased or blown. >>
     >>4) THE MILKMAN
     >> - Because he says do you want it in the back or front >>
     >>5) THE INTERIOR DECORATOR
     >> - Because he says, once its in you'll love it. >
     >>6) THE BANKER
     >> - Because he says if you take it out you'll lose interest. >>
     >>7) THE HUNTER
     >> - Because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and
     >>   always eats what he shoots.

--
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