Tedious Jokes ------------- Bloke 1: My wife went to the West Indies. Bloke 2: Jamaica? Bloke 1: No, she chose to go of her own accord! Woman 1: My husband's going to a casino in Central Asia. Woman 2: Tibet? Woman 1: Of course! Why else would he go? Fella 1: My wife won't tell me if she's going to go to North America. Fella 2: Alaska? Fella 1: Would you? Thanks very much. Person 1: I'm going to South America for my holiday. Person 2: Chile? Person 1: Don't be an idiot, it's boiling over there! Wife 1: I'm going to Eastern Asia to buy some plates Wife 2: China? Wife 1: No, I thought I'd get plastic ones. Bloke 1: I'm visiting a relative living on the South Pole. Bloke 2: What, Antarctic? Bloke 1: No, it's my uncle as it happens. Fella 1: My mate's going fishing in Western Britain. Fella 2: Wales? Fella 1: No, just trout. Artist 1: I'm going to paint some pictures on a Scottish island. Artist 2: Skye? Artist 1: No, I hate landscapes. Executive 1: I'm going to meet an Eastern European friend this weekend. Executive 2: Russian? Executive 1: No, I prefer to take my time. Person 1: I'm going to take my dog on holiday in Scotland. Person 2: Shetland? Person 1: No, he's a Labrador Actuary 1: I was planning to go to a country in Eastern Europe, but they're suffering from a food shortage. Actuary 2: Hungary? Actuary 1: Yeah, that's the whole problem. Lech 1: I met some excellent women on a Greek island. Lech 2: Lesbos? Lech 1: Yes. Engineer 1: There's this Mediterranean island suffering from real problems with its infrastructure. Engineer 2: Rhodes? Engineer 1: Well, the railways are worst. Transexual: I'm going to South America for my holiday. Shopkeeper: Uraguay? Transexual: No, not any more. Shopkeeper: This is so contrived. Prospector 1: I went looking for gold on the Pacific Rim. Prospector 2: Japan? Prospector 1: No, we mined. American 1: You must come visit me in my new beach house in the South West. American 2: California? American 1: No, they haven't installed the phone yet. Yank 1: There's a free bus service in one of them there southern states in the good old U.S. of A. Yank 2: Texas? Yank 1: You're goddam right, it takes any man, woman or child! Yank 2: Hot damn! Yank 1: Goddam sonofabitch! Yank 2: Tarnation! Kiss my butt, asshole! Hot-diggety dawg! Brit: What-ho chaps! Anyone for a spot of beagling? Hard Bloke: I had a mate who got in a fight in Persia. Soft Bloke: Iran? Hard Bloke: No, he stood his ground. Engineer 1: I was working on transportation systems for an African island. Engineer 2: Madagascar? Engineer 1: No, they were solar-powered. Regressive 1: I met a Magic Roundabout character in Italy. Regressive 2: Florence? Regressive 1: No, it was Zebedee. Dog Owner: I went to the north of England to get some accessories for my dogs. Dog Enquirer: Leeds? Dog Owner: No, flea-spray. Half-wit 1: My wife's going clothes-shopping in the Channel Islands. Half-wit 2: Jersey? Half-wit 1: No, track-suit. Veteran 1: I ran flights over India during the war. Veteran 2: Bombay? Veteran 1: No, it was inland. Fat Bloated Pubster 1: I like playing bar games in the south of England. Fat Bloated Pubster 2: Poole? Fat Bloated Pubster 1: No, I prefer darts. Home Owner: I've been doing some refurbishments to my new home near Torquay. Home Enquirer: Paignton? Home Owner: No, I'm wallpapering. Boffin 1: Have you heard of the latest plant-animal hybrid they've made in a Russian city? Boffin 2: Moscow? Boffin 1: No, fungal sheep. Quantity Surveyor 1: I've just been to the French Riviera. Quantity Surveyor 2: Nice? Quantity Surveyor 1: No, the sewage was appalling. Chap 1: My pet went to Holland to build a water structure. Chap 2: Amsterdam? Chap 1: No, he built an aquaduct. Husband 1: I took my wife to Indonesia last month. Husband 2: Jakarta? Husband 1: No, I took her by plane. Orphan 1: My parents died in Iraq. Orphan 2: Bhagdad? Orphan 1: Yeah, and mum as well. Ambassador 1: I've got to go to the Middle East! Ambassador 2: Kuwait? Ambassador 1: No, I've got to go now! Businessman 1: I really want to go to a country in Africa. Businessman 2: Kenya? Businessman 1: No, I just can't afford it. Geordie 1: My parents want me to go to Scandinavia. Geordie 2: Norway? Geordie 1: Yes way! Arms Dealer 1: I went to the Middle East recently. Arms Dealer 2: Dubai? Arms Dealer 1: No, but I did sell a couple of tanks. Shopper 1: I want to get some good poultry from Southern Europe. Shopper 2: Turkey? Shopper 1: No, grouse has more flavour. Man 1: I ripped a hole in my pullover when I was in America. Man 2: New Jersey? Man 1: No, I think I'll try to mend it. Boatie 1: They've gone mad for boating in a country in Eastern Europe. Boatie 2: Romania? Boatie 1: Exactly! Belle: My mate's going to a casino in the South of France. Sebastian: Toulouse? Belle: I hope not, he only took a thousand francs. MP 1: I'm off to the Indian sub-continent. MP 2: Ceylon? MP 1: I'm not going for another month yet! Dick Cockhead: I want to pull my pants down in outer space. Wank Toolface: Moon? Uranus? Dick Cockhead: Yeah, that's right. Newsagent: My mate's a soldier in South America. Customer: Paraguay? Newsagent: Well, he's a commando. Bloke 1: My wife went to the West Indies for her holiday. Bloke 2: Jamaica? Bloke 1: Look, I'm getting annoyed with these jokes, and I'm afraid I shall have to kill you. -- Vectored by Moose Mansions (http://www.splange.freeserve.co.uk/)