WINDOWS JOKES ------------- [somewhat out of date - Ed.] In a world without walls and fences - who needs Windows and Gates? Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows. My SPARCstation has air condition. No need to open Windows. Windows means "Work Is Never Done On Windows Systems" Customer: I'm running Windows 95... Helpdesk: Yes... Customer: ...and now my computer stopped working! Helpdesk: Yes, you already said that. "Windows for dummies", another example of "this sentence no verb" Microsoft broke Volkswagen's world record: Volkswagen only made 22 million bugs! IBM creates Operating Systems - MS-DOSn't Have you reinstalled your Windows today? Windows 95, the most popular virus on the market today. Windows 95 - Plug and pray... Windows - The colorful clown suit for DOS Windows - a solitaire game that requires 16 MB and HD Windows - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy The word "Windows" is a word out of an old dialect of the Apaches. It means: "White man staring through glass-screen onto an hourglass..." Double your drive space: Delete Windows! Microsoft is to Software as McDonalds is to Cuisine Does someone know the cheats for Windows95? This virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x Windows95 - crash compatible on Windows 3.x Windows NT - Nice Try Windows - a virus with mouse support The nice thing about Windows is, it doesn't just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first. Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. "No" is the answer! McAfee-Question: Is Windows a virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. 2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that. 3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too. 4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too. 5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2.) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug. Some windows were made to be broken. Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:\> Windows 95 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading Windows 95 does really have preemptive multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time. Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty Windows - Just another pain in the glass If Windows sucked it would be good for something DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows... A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail. Time on your hands? Get Windows! Hiroshima '45 - Tschernobyl '86 - Windows '95 Why is the Pentium 166 so fast? - It's for booting faster, if Windows crashed again. What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Microsoft? - One is an over-rated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information and populated mostly by dinosaurs, the other is a Steven Spielberg movie. How do Microsoft employees exchange a bulb? Not at all... Bill Gates declares darkness as a standard. What's the difference between windows '95 and highly destructive unstoppable virus? About 90 Megs of hard disk space. -- Vectored by Moose Mansions (http://www.splange.freeserve.co.uk/)